The Poetry of Realism

2010-07-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

The Poetry of Realism

I am a writer. I seek and desire to experience life by the sheer nature of who I am and I report on those experiences.

That being said, this is the first time I have broken silence in quite a few years. I haven’t written. I haven’t prayed. I have barely read anything. Considering that at the very core of who I am I love life in all its many facets, it is safe to say I’ve been lost in my own warped reality for some time. Bewilderment? Sure. Fear? Uncertainty? Most definitely. Acceptable? Not at all. But it does happen, to say the least, even to the most astute of the life experience. (Wow, how did I even remember that word… "astute"?)

“Tiiiiiiiime is on our side, yes it is.” – Rolling Stones

Though it sounds good in a song or on a postcard, I cannot agree that this statement is necessarily true other than to clarify that “Time, when used productively, is on our side.” To merely allow time to walk on by and take no specific action other than to allow time to pass is, in my own opinion, counterproductive and even a waste. We are humans that reside on a physical planet and most definitely within a culture bound by the linear reality of “time”, where the lapse of time results in HUGE changes both miraculous and catastrophic, constructive and devastating.
I was at a pub having a few frosty pints, singing karaoke and kicking serious ass on a billiards table when I received a call from a very close friend that his sister had JUST been murdered by a stray bullet while trying to defuse an altercation amongst teenagers over a war that had begun over *gulp* sms (aka text) messages! I experienced two(2) complete extreme opposite emotions narrowly divided by a short lapse of time and passing of information. The Contrast in the time it took for me to measure the distance from a cue ball to ricochet off a neighboring wall to another ball to a corner pocket resulting in my contentedness in comparison to the time it took for an arrogant bastard to, out of anger and ignorance, brandish a gun – apparently aimlessly – in the air pulling the trigger only to fire a stray bullet that within only milliseconds would render an innocent bystander – pillar in her family and community – lifeless is staggering.

One instance developed over countless moments of assessment and reassessment was productive but changed no course of history other than one individual’s confidence in his ability to play a game and maybe momentary bragging rights only noted by one other person; the other instance developing in FAR less time and permanently affecting the course of life of countless people, not to mention the entire family including a husband, a 19-year old son (who had already recently lost his father), a loving mother a father, brother and sister, nieces and the list goes on…myself AND the gunman included.

“You got stuck in a moment and you can’t get out of it.” – Bono (U2)

I am a both a helpless romantic and also a realist. I’m a musician but I live on earth and experience the hurt of pains this life has to offer. I’ve been to the highs but I I’m sure many have been far higher. I’ve also been quite low, though I know for certain I have not experienced the losses many before me can attest to. It is all relevant to the individual but I do realize my experience is my own authentic ride through this maze we call “life”. Music has played a huge roll in not only who I have become (aka MG! the Visionary) but even more so who I have always been.

I find it simply amazing how music can transport you immediately to different times in life, experiences, triumphs, losses as if you had just now relived them. Music is such a powerful tool. I will say even so powerful and influential that if we do not take note its power we may find ourselves lost in the music itself as if it is the time signatures and lyrics and melodies - both meshing and colliding – can potentially influence our lives even more than our conscious desires. The song from U2 “Stuck in a moment” resonates with me. I think I’ve been stuck in that song for quite some time now.

What happens when you wake up and realize that even though this same song in all of its melodic tenure and whimsical musings has been the theme song scoring your life? Wouldn’t it be nice if once you realized this was happening you could then go and stop that track, put on a new one, and return to life as it was when before the song started? No time had lapsed, everything had sat frozen in time patiently waiting for you resurface? Poetic? Most certainly. But the reality is that no matter how long you may be stuck in that moment you can bet your pale arse that everything else in life has still gone with “with or without you” – no pun intended. You have still suffered the effects of time and all that time has wrought.

I love poetry. I tend to romanticize scenarios and all the intricacies of this brief ride we have that is compared even to a vapor. However, I’d much rather be out of the clouds and right on earth as that is the only place where your dreams can and will actually take flight. The constant, almost incessant, hashing and rehashing of love lost and regrets only stands to do us more harm than we had accomplished when we first had failed. It kills me to sit here feeling sorry for myself and even for those who I’ve wronged or who have been burned in the wake of my failures. That’s one thing. To continually relive it is something else altogether. How can we ever expect to grow, move on, and move forward with our dreams if we never wake up so that we may actually make our dreams reality?

“You’re a fighter but the grip gets tighter, you’re a hook in your own theme song.” – Pigeon John

Needless to say – still I’ll say it – being stuck in those moments of uncertainty has only lead me to an eminent danger…causing your fear (not your dream) to become reality. By not heading directly to the issue, the very thing you fear seems to eventually overtake you and, in my own experience, the ramifications/effects can be even greater than if you had taken the challenge head on.
Note: isn’t it “strange” how close the words THERE and HERE are? Same amount of syllables, all the same letters except one, but adding that one letter suggests 2 entirely different places no matter how close or far apart those places may be!
You have a choice too. You can either sit wondering “how the hell did I get here?” indefinitely. Sure, it’s a good question and by finding that answer you may be able to apply the solution later on and avoid it happening again. But chances are the answer to these GRAND questions in life are hardly so direct as to pinpoint one specific decision or error. Rather, they are layers upon layers of history and momentum and trails cut off and intersected by other trails that are better understood by distance…may I even suggest, for instance, better understood by “time” used productively to create the distance we need to see something more clearly.

Another choice we have, which I propose to be the more important question to ask at those moments, is “what do I do now?” Yeah, DUH…right? It only seems obvious and yet I tell that you that for so long I have been stuck on the former question wondering how I got there; looking over and reexamining my plans (the few I had), checking the steps I’d taken and what I had done that may have landed me in a place so foreign to where I had expected to arrive. I mean, it is a natural response. When you get lost often time it is when you retrace your steps that you find where you went wrong. But consider this, even though it was second nature that you did retrace your steps and eventually corrected the error and found your way there was still a question you had to ask yourself FIRST in order for you to even decide to retrace. “I’m lost. What should I do now?” You decided on the best action needed to complete the task.
Honestly, retracing and rehashing are NOT always the solution anyway. Many times I’ve been driving and found myself heading other than where I had to be. I had a show in PA. My friend was driving – of course it was not me, I NEVER get lost right? hahaha! We were in Ohio. I went to sleep trusting we had a our bearings. I woke up hrs later to the joy of wonderful roadtrip music, laughs, joking, and the smiles of my friends only to soon realizing that this mickey fickey was still heading SOUTH! Yeah. Northern Ohio. Heading to PA. Do the geographical math people! If we were to merely retrace our steps there is no way we would’ve made my show that night. EFF retracing steps…sometimes you have to reroute and/or forge a whole new route for the goal to be met. I stayed calm, re-routed, made the show right at the buzzer, got paid, and the rest is history. GOD if I could just implement this concept into my own emotional roadtrip, I’d have it made.

“You’re never gonna survive unless you get a little crazy.” – Seal

Survival mode. I cannot stand being in it but it is oft times a necessary place to be. I was there for years trying to regain my composure and sort out the mess I’d made of my life. At least it felt that way and we all know that, “as a man thinketh, so he is.” Perception, point of view, its all so powerful. And my point of view had become that I was a failure. I still battle with it to this day but now I do realize that “failure” does not define who I am. I have much to be grateful for, successes and failures alike. “The sweet ain’t as sweet without the bitter, baby. And I know the bitter.” – Vanilla Sky. I can say that I most definitely respect my success and the things I have much more than I ever have in my life.
However, I can relate to that statement. And the reality of it has given me so much more perspective on my own life, and compassion on others has been the result. The tough part about being in survival mode (and realizing it) is that you tend to lack discretion and can become someone – or something – you do not willfully want to become or even doing things you never imagined yourself doing. The outcome may be you hurting other people and destroying relationships. Hurting people will hurt people, themselves included.
This has been my own experience, maybe yours is different. It is not a given this will happen, but it is much more likely than when you are “thriving” as opposed to surviving. When you’re thriving you see the choices and options you have and can make. When you’re surviving, you see you have no options so you take whatever you can. Thus, when you’re in survival mode you hopefully you are surrounded with understanding people with tough skin and a lot of patience. Otherwise, you just might have a lot of apologizing to do on the other side of this…if folks will even want to talk to you again! Ultimately, I want to learn the lessons and move forward into thriving in my life. All things do happen for a reason and can/will serve a purpose for our benefit if we’ll be open, honest, and teachable. The only alternatives are complacency or insanity, neither of which sound very promising – though they do make for interesting cinematic offerings.

“Can’t keep running awaaaaaaaay…” – The Pharcyde

I moved back home. I’ve been gone for 7 years or more. Finally that time and distance has given me a pretty vivid picture of my trek and where my turns have lead me. Its not pretty. You have build a house on a solid foundation or the end result can be quite tragic. I can attest to that also, firsthand. How can you start over without finish the prior? Unless you end a chapter you cannot start a new one. In fact, you’re just extended the chapter you were hoping to end to begin with…end that last statement alone was so confusing, can you imagine living that way? Haha! I don’t even have to imagine it, because that’s how I’ve been living.
I’m glad to realize it now. Time feels like it has been lost and that is what may be the toughest part for me to get beyond. I start to move in a new direction and the idea of the time I’ve lost doing this before can be paralyzing. All the times you did not get to hold and kiss your children. All the time you spent circling hoping just to get back to where you were and being lead further and further away. All the other distractions who held your attention and not your own family.
I just saw Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio. FREAKING awesome movie. It was crazy how similar our stories were, almost eerie. He was good at what he does, he loved his wife, they got lost, he did what he had to do, she turned crazy, he blamed himself, he lost his family and access to his children at the hand of a wife hell bent on her own imagination. The guilt he carried could potentially sabotage and destroy not only himself but everyone he ever encountered and everything he wanted to accomplish until he confronted it. It took him a long time to confront it.

In fact – and I’m on a bit of a tangent now – it appeared that he’d been in this state for quite some time. If it was anything like my story, a real story, at first he probably accepted what had happened hoping to find a way back only to find that as time goes by we get further away and the guilt grows and now it is no longer you being victimized, its you allowing yourself to not take back your life and what is rightfully yours. It’s a sick cycle. It has sadly also been my cycle.

“Hang on to those your hold dear because life will rip you apart.” – MG! the Visionary

This is so short. I’m sick of losing people. I’m sick of losing myself. I want to take better care of both myself and my relationships. Where are we without the ones we love? Where are we without ourselves? The best thing we can do is honor both by giving 100% to whatever it is we are doing and give a damn about those we love in a way that would lead us to actually show it to them. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable. Its just choosing who you’ll be vulnerable too. No doubt, it helps to be a good judge of character. In that case it all starts with us and learning to love, forgive, and appreciate who we are. DAMN its taken me quite some time to really get that one. I’m so sick of being paralyzed by all the brokenness I see directly in my family to the point I feel hopeless. We have so much more to offer. Sometimes we have to look beyond what we see in order to love the world right in front of us because the sight itself is not always very lovable. Shiiiiiiii…I know I’m not always lovable, and probably more often than I realize. But I sure am thankful for those who take the time to see past the here and now and still find value in me. It’s the only reason I’m still here.

Thank you for that.

“Its all in the music…” – The ROOTS

In the end, it is obvious that I love music and music meets me and greets me at every corner of my life on every street I walk on every journey I embark. It helps me to relate. It helps to add color to my pictures and to give definition to areas that may be blurred. I listen to it, I absorb it, I create it. But to be lost in the beautifully melodic hues of dissonance indefinitely can be hazardous, especially if it is not my own song that I am creating…my own life. Own the music, write the song. Do not let the song own and write you.

-mgthevisionary-

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The Poetry of Realism